Eat to the Beat

Clamato. Tomato juice with clam flavoring? Why would you even do that?

According to their website, Clamato is the “undisputed market leader in the Seafood Blend category.” Seafood Blend category – does someone sell squid-flavored lemonade? If they do I’m just going to have to buy it, because I have poor survival instincts.

Despite being ‘invented’ in California and owned by British Cadbury-Schweppes, the Clamato team was unable to hire native English speakers to design their site, as evidenced by the front page:

Turns out, it makes an even better bloody Mary than boring old V8. OK, carry on. The website says Mexicans and Dominicans mix it with beer and add salt? Sounds like I have a plan for the weekend! Oh oh, they also are soliciting photos of people having a good time in the vicinity of Clamato – my weekend just got even better! Me and Clamato at the movies… taking a walk in the park… getting kicked out of the 7-11…

The old motto was “Great Taste. 99.9% Clam-Free.” I now think everything should be described by its non-clam percentage.

Some people have energy drinks, but those people are suckers. I now have energy soap.

Tomorrow morning I will be in the shower working up a lather and simultaneously shotgunning a Red Bull and yelling “EXTREEEEEEEME!” I’ll be moving so fast when I leave the house most people won’t even be able to see me.